+ WEEK ONE REFLECTION POST

One thing that I really loved about class this week was the TED talk we watched, “Connected, But Alone” by Sherry Turkle. I LOVED this and it is probably by new favorite TED talk. I think she makes very accurate observations about how social media and technology are changing human nature and our relationships, “What I’ve found is that our little devices, those little devices in our pockets, are so psychologically powerful that they don’t only change what we do, they change who we are.” It is crazy to think that the technology that we use is literally changing us.

My class notes included things like:
+ we try to clean up our relationships with technology
+ conversations with others help us learn how to have conversations with ourselves
+ we turn to the web to have “automatic listeners”
+ we expect more from technology and less from each other
+ connection… a symptom? or a cure? à we are setting ourselves up for isolation
+ we have to create a self-aware relationship with technology

For this blog post I want to reflect on a couple of things I really loved from her talk.

1. How we relate to others and ourselves.

The concept that the way I use technology can affect my relationship/interactions with others makes perfect sense to me, but thinking about how it can change my “capacity for self-reflection” is mind-boggling. I think it is true that we want to be with other people, but when we are together, we are completely happy to transport ourselves somewhere else mentally and emotionally. Where once mental and emotional connections were what we sought, the physical presence of another is what we crave more than ever before- even if we are not connected at all. It is interesting to examine how we feel about others in the 21^st century. Turkle points out that, “I see that people can’t get enough of each other, if and only if they can have each other at a distance, in amounts they can control.” She calls this the goldilocks effect - we seek the perfect amount of human connectedness – and it must be in our control. When we think that we have control of something that is when we actually have lost control of that thing. This is especially true with technology and how connected we feel to others and the world around us.

2. Take time to gather yourself.

On my class notes for the day I wrote, “TAKE TIME TO BE STILL FOR FIVE MINUTES EVERY DAY.” Purposeful stillness is important to me. During fall semester I took a stress management class where we learned how to really get control of our situation and mind. As a part of the class we had to meditate and take more time to be still in our daily lives. Taking time for myself, or even just giving myself a break in a social setting has totally changed how I feel in situations. I can better get control of myself and understand how I am feeling/the root of my problems. I think if more people took the time to be still we would all be happier people! It is important to learn how to be alone and not be lonely – and I love that she acknowledges that we need to teach our children this.

3. The Internet gives us “automatic listeners”.

Turkle says, “The feeling that no one is listening to me is very important in our relationships with technology. That’s why it’s so appealing to have a Facebook page or a Twitter feed – so many automatic listeners. And the feeling that no one is listening to me make us want to spend time with machines that seem to care about us.” One judge that I personally use in posting on social media is my motivation. I know that my sound so stupid, but I know that how I am using social media and how it can make me feel, totally impacts my mood! So when I go to post I think, “Am I doing this for likes/to feel good about myself? Am I doing this do inspire and encourage others? Am I doing this because I want to preserve a memory and I don’t care what others think?” I know that I am not the only person out there that has been disappointed when a picture didn’t get enough likes or comments. And to me, that is so silly! I know friends that find a lot of self-gratification in how they use social media. I can tell by what they post and how they behave. They crave for the attention of others. It is really sad that we live in a world where it is easier to turn to the web, a big ball of nothingness, instead of our family, friends, spouses, etc. Our search for “automatic listeners” should be a clear red flag of our need to strengthen our personal relationships.

I love one of her last sentences,

“We’re smitten with technology. And we’re afraid, like young lovers, that too much talking might spoil the romance.” It is my goal to not be so “smitten with technology” and to not fear talking with others. I have personally learned that when I build walls and keep people out, it is damaging to my relationships. I think this true when we let technology and social media be our place of comfort, instead of the human relationships that we need to focus on. My favorite quote from Turkle is, “Because it is when we stumble or hesitate or lose our words that we reveal ourselves to each other.” I really love this…social media can’t show who we really are, it is only through expressing ourselves intimately and fully to each other that human relationships can flourish, and that we can be connected- in every sense of the word.

You can read/watch Sherry Turkle’s TED talk here.